From Surviving to Thriving
Marriage isn’t always a fairytale. Sometimes it’s a fight to stay committed. Other times, it’s a journey of healing and growth. And if we’re honest, many couples spend more time in survival mode than thriving.
But that’s not where the story has to end.
Real Questions, Real Struggles
As a pastor, the questions I hear most about marriage don’t come from couples who are doing great. They come from people in the trenches:
How do I stay married when it feels so hard?
How do I forgive my spouse for something they don’t even see?
How do I get them to care about what’s broken?
How do I love them when I don’t feel like it anymore?
These are deep, raw, and honest questions. And while the answers aren’t always easy, they start with something simple:
Jesus.
When It’s Not Safe
Before we go any further, let’s be clear: if you are in a marriage where abuse is present—physically, emotionally, or sexually—you need to get help. Your safety and your children’s safety come first. There is nothing holy about staying in harm’s way.
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.
Reach out to a trusted church leader, even if it’s through a website contact form.
Make a plan. You’re not alone. Help is available.
When You’re Spiritually Mismatched
Many people feel stuck in a marriage where their spouse isn’t pursuing God—or maybe doesn’t believe at all. Scripture speaks directly to this:
“If a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him... For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife.”
(1 Corinthians 7:13–14)
You might be in a season where your spouse is distant, distracted, or disinterested in growing with God. But don’t underestimate the power of your faithfulness. You can’t control their spiritual journey—but you can live out yours with consistency, grace, and hope.
Questions That Shape Us
Let’s look at those common struggles through the lens of God’s wisdom:
How do I stay married? Keep growing closer to Jesus. Let your spiritual growth be the anchor—even when things feel unbalanced.
How do I forgive? Remember how much you’ve been forgiven. Even when your spouse doesn’t see it, choose grace.
How do I get them to see the hurt they’ve caused? Be honest. Speak with love, not anger. Like God does with us, model patience and clarity.
What if they don’t think anything’s wrong? Pray. Be patient. And don’t be afraid to seek out a godly counselor to help bring perspective.
How do I keep loving them when it’s hard? Love isn’t always a feeling—it’s a choice. And God gives us the strength to choose love, even when it’s not easy.
Remember Your Promise
Marriage takes work—and it won’t always feel equal. Sometimes you’ll feel like you’re carrying more than your share. But your vow wasn’t just about the easy days. It was about commitment, covenant, and unconditional love.
“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life.”
(2 Peter 1:3)
You don’t have to do it alone. God has already given you everything you need.
From Surviving to Thriving
Thriving in marriage doesn’t mean perfection—it means progress. It means fighting together, praying together, and walking with Jesus side by side.
Here are some ways to move forward:
Set aside intentional time each month to talk about your spiritual lives.
Ask each other: How are you doing with God? How can I support your growth?
Pray together. Every day, if you can.
Make time for romance—yes, even when life is crazy.
Speak life over each other. Let your words build, not break.
God Wants More for Your Marriage
You weren’t made for a mediocre marriage. Jesus didn’t die for you to live stuck in survival mode. He came so you could have life to the full—including in your marriage.
If He can raise the dead, He can bring new life to your relationship. Keep your eyes on Him. Keep holding on to each other. You’re not alone—and you don’t have to just survive. With Jesus, you can thrive.
Reflection Questions
Are you preparing, surviving, or thriving in your marriage right now? Why?
What attribute of Jesus is currently lacking in how you treat your spouse?
What’s one area of your marriage you’re still processing through—and how does the “triangle” (God at the top, both spouses drawing closer to Him) bring clarity?
What step can you take this week to grow together—spiritually, emotionally, or relationally?
