We’ve Misunderstood Submission
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
– Ephesians 5:21–25
Let’s be honest—few words in Scripture are more uncomfortable or misunderstood than submission. Maybe you’ve wrestled with passages like Ephesians 5. Maybe you’ve seen them misused in harmful ways. If so, you’re not alone.
But what if we’ve been reading it wrong all along?
Submission Has Been Weaponized
For many, submission has been twisted into something God never intended—used to silence women, excuse control, or enforce hierarchy. But that’s not what Paul meant. And it’s certainly not how Jesus leads and loves.
Far too often, we start with Ephesians 5:22:
“Wives, submit to your husbands…”
—but we skip the verse right before it:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
That changes everything.
Mutual submission is the starting point for every Christ-centered marriage. It’s about laying down our own interests and lifting one another up in love.
Mistake #1: Aimed at the Wrong Audience
Paul isn’t just talking to wives—he’s talking to both spouses. This passage isn’t a one-way command. It’s a mutual call to self-giving love.
In Christian marriage, husbands are called to lead like Jesus—by serving, sacrificing, and laying down their lives. Leadership in marriage is not about control; it’s about love.
Mistake #2: Assigned to the Wrong Agent
Biblical submission is never something you force on someone else. It must be chosen, not demanded.
Notice Paul’s words:
“Wives, submit yourselves…”
Submission is a voluntary act of love, not a top-down command. You can’t make your spouse submit—just like Jesus doesn’t coerce us into following Him.
Mistake #3: Defined the Wrong Way
We often equate submission with silence or blind obedience. But the Greek word hupotasso literally means “to arrange yourself under” for the purpose of support.
It’s what Jesus did when He washed His disciples’ feet. It’s what He did when He laid down His life for the Church.
Submission isn’t about weakness—it’s about humility. It’s about lifting someone else up, not pushing them down.
Submission Means Lifting Each Other Up
Picture a marriage where both people wake up every day thinking:
“How can I serve you? How can I support you? How can I help you flourish?”
That’s biblical submission.
Wives: Submit by honoring, encouraging, and trusting your husband.
Husbands: Submit by loving your wife like Jesus—sacrificially, selflessly, and consistently.
Both are called to imitate Jesus. Both are called to honor. Both are called to serve.
The Real Power of Submission
When practiced rightly, submission brings unity. It fosters peace. It creates space where love and grace can grow. In a world that says “me first,” submission says, “I’m choosing you.”
When two people do that for each other every day—it creates a marriage that reflects Christ to the world.
Reflection Questions:
Have you seen submission misunderstood or misused?
How has your understanding of submission changed?
In what ways can you begin practicing mutual submission in your marriage this week?
